Black and White are the Colors of my Life

My world is a happy continent. I traveled around with such fervor like the rainbow stretching its arms so effortlessly and gracefully over the blue canvas of sky. I wonder and often shudder at the sight of such people who feel remorse and sorrow and are troubled because of the way life treats them. Life is another name of joy, for victory. It is the rapturous gaze of the night sky when you stand on top of the world. It is the absence of all that is wrong. I cannot even begin to imagine life as the dark, hollow fantasy that you described it as.


Oh that laughter again. She thinks I'm making this up by myself, As if I am telling her some tale that was narrated to me by a superstitious, psychotic patient. What does she think of herself? She can hold my finger and guide me wherever she wishes? And I will go? I will follow? Because I am her obedient servant? No!


I felt and I knew that I was part of this world. The chasms of delight that would build up in my imagination lit up brightly as I spun more belief around them. I became the simmering heat that could melt even the proud mountains to dust. I became the electric charge that energized the mellowed clouds. I became the tinkling drops of rain that spread around the vast expanse of the earth, the water that thundered and gushed, breaking all barriers of the land. I was like the tiny grain of pollen that sprouts life on the barren ground. I became part of the world, the nature. Tiny, perhaps, but I became life itself.

But how can she steal these colors from my life? How can she leave me desolate, dishonored, defeated in a shroud of regret, of despair, in a pathetic, piteous, wretched annoyance of suffering?!



No dear child, it is only in your imagination that you feel all this. This suffering, this annoyance, this desolation; it’s not real. It is only a wicked trick being played by your mind, by fate, by life. I do not create your life, nor do I lead the path of your troubles or cares. You think you're unique because you have a perfect world? You are not unique. You need to be replaced just like the others. But don't hate me for being the one to break it to you. I only take you where you need be. I only tell you what you must know. The only choice you have is to decide whether you go now or later, but you must go. You cannot stay.



Oh this conniving, devious, devilish shrew! She believes she holds the keys to my imagination. So she believes she can unlock and clear out the mysteries of my mind? She believes she can hold the strings to my life as if I'm her slave doll, her puppet. Look how she smiles, look how sweetly she looks down on me as if I were the little child in her care. I do not belong to her nor will I let her take control of my life. It belongs to me! I was entrusted with it. Little, I may be, but I am the sole proprietor of my self. How can I let go of it so easily? How can I let this light slip by me so carelessly, without a fight, without having given a chance to try to win at least?! Why has the path become so narrow now? Why is the light only whispering through shadows in my mind and I can no longer see it? Why is someone else carrying the limp covering of my soul when I can make it fly so easily? Why is my life letting me down now? Why am I being buried inside this dark and gruesome dungeon where no living soul survives?


Am I being lifted? Am I being carried back to my continent? I want to go back home now. I am tired of lying around so hopelessly, so helplessly. I want to be able to breathe in the free air. Oh, do you hear the whistling of the birds? They're calling me. They are sending notes of felicity. Their sounds of salutation are so welcoming that I feel I might find the strength to rise and soar like an eagle and be their guide.


Oh my child, you're hallucinating again. I told you it’s not real. This world is not real. You do not belong here. For how long are you going to continue this fight? It’s time to let go. Come with me and I will take you to the land of all delights. That is where you belong. That is where you are needed. What good are you doing to the creatures of this world? These people you call your own are not people. They have brain but not the heart to believe nor any emotion to feel. They have no souls. They are hollow. Stop this silly argument and come, we'll walk high on the skies and reach the place where you may be of some benefit.



Hah. So that is what she wants. Benefit. She wants me to go with her and let her have the satisfaction of winning this fight! But, is it really worth all the trouble? Am I going to gain anything by staying here? I have been persistent in my belief for so long and it has never given me any satisfaction. What if there are none at all. What if she is right? What if my stay here is just trickery of the mind? What if I stay here forever and rot? What if...

What is happening now? Am I free now? It feels as if a heavy weight is being lifted off of me but I feel so tired. Are you still around? Can you hear me?

Child, I told you, now you will be disappointed. See, they let go of you. Now you're not left with any choice but to come with me. You do not define life, life defines you. It is not the life of an individual but everyone's life collectively. There were people waiting for you to leave so they could follow up. Now you must come.

How could they let go of me so easily. They were the very blocks that held the building of my belief stay so strong. I was fighting. I was trying. They could wait. They could have tried to save me. Why did they let go?

But for how long does one wait? I'll take you to your own grave where they will bury you. They will leave you there; go with heavy tired feet and come back with a heavy heart, but they will leave. However, you must not be disappointed. You will find how you become the cause of life again. You will see flowers blooming from the very roots of death and decay. You will find that the place that is feared the most and is known as the place of the dead is the one place which is full of life.

But then why am I still scared...?